Things I Once Enjoyed…

Posted: March 28, 2012 | Author: K.Fodera | Filed under: Crap... I Own a Cat | 2 Comments »

I’ve found that ever since adopting my cat, many of the things that I once enjoyed have been taken from me. Not only do I have to try my hardest to keep MYSELF alive but now I ALSO need to keep another thing alive.

Correction: Not only ALIVE but also happy, healthy, and most importantly… I’d like to keep that thing from clawing my eyes out.

Because of these things (and because I like my eyeballs), I’ve put this cat first in my life and in turn – Many of the things I had once taken for granted have now been taken from me.

These are the things that I once enjoyed…

1.) Having a Cat with a Cute Name - 

Twiggy was already named Twiggy before I adopted her. Sure, it was a cute name and all but who am I trying to kid? I kept this name mainly because I wanted to call her Twigs, Twigster, and (my personal favorite) Twigasaurus Rex.

However, the idea of having a cat with a cute (nick)name was also taken away from me. As far as she’s concerned, her name is “NO” because that’s literally the ONLY thing that I yell in her general direction.

She’s a rambunctious ball of fur who likes to do everything I don’t want her to do. Whether it’s jumping onto the countertops, jumping onto my bookshelf, or jumping onto the cabinets… the little thing jumps and I simply cannot get her to stop; therefore, I look at her, she looks at me, and I yell “NO!”

Her cute name is absolutely positively pointless…

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2.) Speaking Like an Adult - 

I used to enjoy making fun of people who do the whole “baby-talk” thing but now?

Nope. Now I get it.

If you have a pet (or a small child), you’ve probably done this before; however, imagine what it’s like living/working by yourself ALL DAY in a tinnnyyy apartment – My only social interaction is with Twigs (Excuse me… I mean NO)! Because of this, Kitteh-talk is something I do more than you know… human-talk. This has almost completely hindered my ability to sound like the well-educated, spunky, adult that I am when I speak to human-beings.

To make matters worse, I’ve found that both my boyfriend and my cat are now sharing both termsof endearment and tone of voice. Last night, for instance, I said “Oh, baby! What are you doing!?”  as my cat was most likely falling off of the couch (NO also has terrible balance). my boyfriend looked at me with his face twisted in confusion because he was just sitting there, minding his own business… I then had to clarify that when I said “baby,” I didn’t actually mean HIM… I meant my cat…

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3.) My Meals -

I used to enjoy food and yes, while this food was mostly crinkly blocks of noodles… I still enjoyed eating them at a normal pace.

This is no longer possible.

I don’t have a table to eat at; therefore, I sit on my couch to eat my meals. This is a problem because NO also hangs out on the couch and tries her hardest to devour my food before I can.

This is precisely why I must INHALE my food at record speed. If I even think about setting a dish of edible stuff on my little side table, NO is up there faster than the blink of an eye and she IMMEDIATELY plops her face into my dish. Regardless, of what it is… It doesn’t matter. “What? What’s that? Something you want? NOPE! I’m gonna face-plant this” <- My impression of NO

I’m now unwillingly on the I-Own-a-Cat Diet.

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4.) Personal Bed Space -

Since my cat was abandoned and I adopted her from a rescue, she has separation issues. This is why I’ve been letting her sleep in my bed and it hasn’t really been an issue except for one SMALL thing – I’m a starfish sleeper.

This means that I really enjoy placing myself in the middle of my mattress and then extending both my arms and my legs as far out as my body will let me. Occasionally, I’ll even make an invisible snow angel or two when I’m attempting to fall into a deep slumber.

Now, that I have NO… this is impossible.

She has to sleep while touching my body – sometimes it’s on top of the comforter and sometimes she sneaks underneath the covers to lay against my leg.

I understand that she’s a little 7 lb cat and yes, I know that I can move her; however, I learned the hard way that she throws a kitty fit about it.

Phase 1) She’ll meow and cry for approximately 14 seconds

Phase 2) She’ll then stare at me silently as if she’s saying, “Look… I’m upset. You did this”

Phase 3) She’ll walk out of the room and she won’t come back for the rest of the night  just to punish me for my wrongdoing

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5.) Knowing What Occurs in My Apartment - 

Once again, I lived alone in a “charming” apartment. I knew exactly what was going on at all times. I’ll bet you know what’s coming… Yep… This also has been taken away.

I often wonder what my cat is doing while I sleep because I damn well know what she’s doing when I’m awake and I am not pleased with her life choices. NO is the most mischievous little thing and if she’s blatantly defying me to my face then what is she cooking up when I’m not looking?

She’s either coming up with some master plan to kill me (but in a sneaky way, not in a i’m-going-to-claw-you-to-death-while-you-sleep way) OR she’s just coming up with more ways to piss me off while I’m awake. I’m personally banking on the latter.

I think it’s more of a “What weird place can I get to/sit on/sit in where Kate is going to be pissed off and/or confused tomorrow?”

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To sum it up -

NO: 5 – Kate: 0

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